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Being a part of the MKMMA has helped me in ways that I have not expected. I am behind with the tangiible tools given to me to use but I hear the words and the lessons. My nervous tick of touching my French manicured nail tips are now done to the tune of “Do it Now” twenty times – LOL. I am sharing a You Tube video that spoke to me for my blog this week. I am very lucky to be a part of this group and I give a huge shout out to my tribe leader Loren. Thank you for lending your ear and support to me. 🙂
Okay….so, if winners never quit- And… quitters never win….Then…if I fall into a fit of despair and don’t know why or how I got there…does that make me a winner or a quitter???…. I ask because I remain hope-filled that my mission, my purpose is more…..should I then forever be judged by my lack of judgment or forgiven for it?…Am I victor if I accept forgiveness or am I victim if given a second chance??…I compare myself not to anyone or anything as I know there is always someone who has done it better or worse….I only seek freedom of my expressions..both-GOOD AND BAD- and a deep seated notion that there is much much more….. and YEs…..I see the shapes as I have learned…(thank you very much MKMMA)….everywhere!
Week three has not worked like a charm for me. I would love to say all is flowing and coming up roses but I would be fibbing. My events of late have made the commitments to the tangible and honor assignments difficult. I do complete the work, but not as well as I can. This I must change – I know. My focus has been on my Cesar. I am taking him to Auburn University next week and I pray that his healing is happening as I write this. I do believe the reading and “sits” are helping me handle this differently and I am grateful for that. I hope to have a long upbeat blog for week 4.
For now, I pray.
Well, I must be honest…Though I feel a shift, a struggle is in play and things have been a bit “rocky“. I am not sure if it is my old blueprint arguing with me, or if it has just been a difficult week. I love reading. That’s easy for me. What is hard is doing it exactly as prescribed. And the “sit”?? Forget about it!! I have had some family issues this week. My precious six year old Chihuahua has been having seizures. His first one happened on the day to apply for the pay it forward scholarship 😦 …..and he has continued to have them this week. So, between that and some work issues, I must admit I am struggling with following instructions to the letter. I hope that next week will be better. I really do feel an awareness that I have been missing and I am handling most things in my chaotic life with a softer hand.
I promise to be better and I always keep my promises 🙂
As this week progresses, I find myself exhilarated, empowered, fearful, and anxious all at the same time! It really does have that “first week at a new school” feeling. I believe this series will be of benefit to my home life and my work but, at first, I had problems with some of the requirements. For example:
- No TV at night? Are you kidding me?? (Many a mighty fight between my fiance and myself have started with my basic unalienable right to fall asleep with the TV on!
- I struggled with the time implementation of the reading schedule and the thought of writing my DMP straight out of the chute.
- How was I to sit still after the lesson? Seriously?? Have you been to the 3 ring circus that has set up shop in my home?
How would I manage all of this in the middle of the current chaos that resides at my home? I felt very resistant. After all, I am just too busy. I did not know how I would do it. My suspicious blueprint of old was certain that this must be a trick anyway. Surely it must be a waste of time with an eventual price tag! As if my mayhem has time for any such nonsense!
But I began to feel something as I continued to read the first scroll and the blueprint builder over and over….a feeling that this resistance was healthy and to fear it was akin to feeding a monster. I began to feel a need to tame my dragons. After all, this is my choice. I chose it! Who am I to tell myself I cannot do it if I wish to do so?!!
There were also too many signs to ignore. I have been tucking away the “Worlds Laziest Networker” blogs for almost a year. I would watch most but always saved the others for later to read. (Of course only when my mayhem took a day off – which was never – so the folder titled “Worlds Lazy” grew larger. LOL)
Bottom line is I need this! I will share more in my next blog so that you will truly understand where I am coming from. The last year of my life has included some excruciating events. At times, I barely had time to breath. I am grateful to the person who told me to finish my application after I thought time had run out. And here I am!
I am ready for peace and the journey.